Single Parenting Sucks Sometimes

As I write, I am in an Orlando hotel, recovering from a day of “fun” with my 8, 7 and 4 year old daughters. Vacations are over-rated in my single parenting life. It's days like today I really do wish I was married. I love my girls, but they can really wear me out!

 

It's amazing how much more stressful parenting becomes when you go outside your comfortable little bubble and venture into new places. It's like my girls take on a whole new mentality...I'm going to call it the “Let's See What We Can Get Away With” game. Although all children can play this game, single parents have to deal with the additional logistical challenge of how to discipline when their kids act out in public. There is no one to wait with the other kids while you take the deviant child to the bathroom for a quick correction. It becomes a family affair. Now you have to trudge through a restaurant with the whole crew hoping the wait staff doesn't remove your plates. You can also add the whining from the other “good” (albeit temporarily) children to your list of grievances since they have had to leave their food. If you are like me you are “plumb wore out” (as my grandma would say) by the time you get back from your discipline adventure, not to mention the fact your meal is now cold.

 

My question to you is this...what do you do when, in approximately two minutes from returning, child number two has now repeated the offense child number one was just corrected for? Do you trudge back or do you just throw in the towel and admit that they have commandeered the vacation? Honestly, it depends on the moment for me. I know the “right” thing to do, but do you ever feel, like me, that you just can't physically or emotionally cope with another challenge?

 

We all know the well-meaning how-to books on parenting tell you consistency is key, but can anyone really do that 100% of the time? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised if we single parents struggle a lot more with it as well. When I was married and I had reached my good parenting limit, I could hand over the reins. I could say, “I just can't deal with it this time.” I miss that, especially when I know I have reached my good parenting limit and there is no one there to help....my kids are doomed to my bad parenting moments.

 

I am not proud of this, but I am also not so prideful as to deny that these times do occur. These are the times when my “crazy mama scream” comes out, as my friend so aptly titled her moments when she loses it. The day then goes from bad to worse and I can't seem to find my way out to the good again. I can tell you that at some point my sanity returns and I end up needing to apologize to the kids and pray I can cope a little bit better the next time around. Then I have to let it go. I have to give myself grace otherwise the downward cycle will continue.

 

Speaking of grace, that reminds me about yesterday. We were already on our vacation and the girls had begun the maddening game mentioned above, “Let's See What We Can Get Away With.” I had planned all of these fun activities for us once we got here, careful not to pack in too much, but planning things that would last a couple hours each. Of course, one of the things that excited the girls most was the pool and spa at the hotel.

By the end of our first day, I didn't feel they deserved to go to the pool, but I also didn't want to spend our whole vacation in the hotel room. Besides, by this point, I desperately needed the spa to melt away my own stress. So, I decided to turn this lesson around, and teach about grace. I talked to them about how grace is unmerited favor and how God gives us grace by allowing us to accept the gift of Jesus. We did nothing to deserve such a gift but God gives us grace and now we can spend eternity with Him. I told them I was choosing to extend grace to them and allowing them the opportunity to do something fun...even though their actions didn't warrant it. I'm not sure they cared about the reason they received grace, but I know they were sure happy to have it come around. Good thing I taught them a little about it, because I needed grace from them the next day!

 

I know I am making it sound like a vacation was a bad idea and I want to clarify that....it wasn’t a bad idea.....it was a horrible idea. Just kidding. It is tough though. I always have this perfect picture in my mind about how things will turn out. I think I need to dismantle the picture into bite-size moments. Instead of picturing how much fun the girls are going to have and how they are going to be so happy and grateful I have taken them on an awesome vacation, I need to be a little more realistic. Things will be up and down, we will laugh and we will fight, but we will be storing up family memories. Hopefully, their minds will dwell on the laughter and fun experiences long after we have gone back home. As for me, I have learned an important lesson as well....the next time I will bring a “helper” along...there's got to be a teenager I could trick...I mean talk into coming with us for a little extra cash! It would be money well spent!!

 

Thoughts for today:

                Do you ever play the “Let's See What We Can Get Away With” game with God?

 

                Do you teach your children about grace, the importance of both giving and receiving it?

 

                Do you ask for forgiveness from your child when you have a “bad parenting” moment?